27 Things

I saw someone post a list of 27 things before their 27th birthday and thought I would do the same. Here are 27 random things about me.

1. I go by both my first and middle name
2. I have 4 tattoos (and counting?)
3. I currently have 2 rabbits
4. I have a lab mix who I rescued 1.5 years ago
5. I have run a marathon
6. I have run several half marathons
7. I went to Virginia Tech
8. I love even numbers
9. I like doing jigsaw puzzles - on my phone
10. I have 8 piercings - now 6!
11. My hair is naturally wavy
12. I have one younger brother
13. I sing
14. I don't like singing karaoke
15. I majored in English
16. I like writing & editing
17. I have a love - hate relationship with donuts
18. I journal
19. I prefer wedges to flats
20. I say my favorite color is purple but it's really more gray or turquoise
21. I constantly drop my phone
22. I love the number 22
23. I wear three rings every day but not much other jewelry
24. I love animals
25. I'm my toughest critic
26. I love fiercely
27. I love making lists

Morning Runs

I am trying something new during this year's training. I am trying to do my weekly runs in the morning before work.

It makes sense to do, right? It is in theory cooler in the morning. It starts my days off on a good foot. I have more energy, I am in a better mood. Its been really nice having it done in the morning and not having to do it after work. I kind of get it now.

It has only been four runs that I've done before work so far, but I am finding that it is slightly addicting. I was planning on doing my 5 miler today after work. I don't have any plans or anything. Instead I felt this pull to just do it in the morning.

So I ran a hard 5 miles this morning. It was hot. Like 99% humidity. I was not prepared for that. I ran 2.5 and then walked .25. It had to be done. It had to be done three times actually.

I could be really hard on myself. I could be upset that I didn't run the whole time. But screw that. I did it! I got up before work and ran 5 miles. I ran in the insane humidity and still managed to get in the full distance. I stuck with it even when I was dripping sweat and felt like quitting.

Running is hard. Running in the heat is hard. Running is worth it.

When the school year starts (September) I will have a class every Wednesday evening. I am going to have to run in the morning before work.  By then my Wednesday runs will be eight miles. Which actually doesn't seem that bad - it's only three more miles.

While now it is still hard to get up at 7 to get these runs in, I know that if I keep doing it I will be able to do it more easily. It will be natural and I'll be able to get up before 7 to get in the longer runs in the fall.

Ideally, I'd like to run every morning before work. Post marathon I want to keep this up. I need to do some cross training, weight training, etc, but no reason I can't run a quick 3-4 miles every day as well.

Runner Girl

I realized yesterday that my training for the MCM starts in two weeks. Fourteen days. Yikes!

Looking at the training plan all laid out it is hard to believe that I will get to the point of running 10+ miles very consistently. But I remember doing it last year and I did it. It didn't seem so daunting after awhile.

I like running. I do. I like running in the heat. Running provides a lot of time for introspection. I am alone with my thoughts and no agenda. I let them flow in their free form.

Yesterday I was thinking about how far I've come since college - emotionally. Then I thought about how my mindset has been shaped by some of those early relationships. I get deep! I also think about boys and love and yesterday I was also thinking about wedding dresses. Specifically how when I get married I won't wear a poofy princess dress. That's not my style.

My knee hurts today which is unfortunate, but I'm working on strengthening my hips / IT band and stretching more consistently so hopefully that will help. In two and a half weeks I will need to run eight miles. Yesterday I ran 4.6. I'm in good shape. 

Not Ashamed

I didn't talk about my depression & anxiety for a long time. I would bury it & pretend it wasn't there. It seemed like admitting defeat or acknowledging weakness if I talked about it.

Little by little I have become more comfortable talking about it. There are a lot of misconceptions & so many people don't understand it. [Think: all the people who tell me to just "be happy."]

I've had the opportunity recently to talk to two different people who have a loved one struggling with depression. I hope that my being open about my own struggle can, at least in some minor way, help these other people with theirs.

As I sit on the other side of it, trying to put into words what it is to be depressed, I realize that in a way I am grateful that I know what it is like. I am grateful because I can tell people who have no idea, who could not start to understand, how it works. I can tell them that it is hard & you want to help but sometimes that doesn't help. I think people expect there to be a quick fix to everything and depression is definitely not something with a quick fix.

I've learned that & have embraced that it will be a lifelong struggle. Hopefully I will continue to get better at coping & handling it & recognizing when I am starting to be depressed so I can combat it, but as my therapist recently said, the possibility will always be there.

One of the people said that I seem fine now! I was slightly offended at first, as if I didn't seem fine before, but I guess it is not a bad thing that someone sees me and thinks that I am handling it versus being handled.