Motivation

I find that motivation waxes and wanes. At times it is so prevalent it is overwhelming. And at others it is like it never existed in the first place.

At bible study this week we were left with the challenge to let God do something crazy in our lives. To be open to the craziness. Crazy being defined as something that is out of the norm or seemingly 'crazy' to you but might be completely normal to someone else.

There are obviously lots of things I could do that would be considered crazy, at least for me. Sky diving. Drinking in the morning. Eating red meat! But there is one thing that has been weighing on my heart for a long time. Every time I revisit it or try to get serious about it I flake. I give up. It's hard and I too easily succumb to the thoughts of 'I can't do this.'

Instead of resisting this idea, again, or pushing it aside, I am choosing to embrace it. To embrace the crazy: I want to live a minimalistic lifestyle. And I want to start now.

In some ways I am pretty minimalistic. Like in my makeup - I don't wear much. But in other ways I am pretty much a mild hoarder. In those areas, the thought of reducing my possessions, my material belongings, is frightening. I have anxiety when I think about thinking about getting rid of clothes or shoes or books. That anxiety, that resistance to getting rid of things is what pushes me forward with this.

I want to get to a place where I am more focused on what I can do next, who I can help, what the next adventure will be and not focused on what outfit to add to my closet, what newest gadget to purchase.

I am documenting this process to keep myself on track and to keep myself honest. I'll try to update regularly. Hopefully one day I can look back on all of this and reflect on how different life is after making this change.
 

Bogged Down by 'things'

I constantly find myself thinking or saying 'I have too much stuff! I feel controlled by my stuff. I'm overwhelmed by all of this STUFF!' Yet, I have not been able to really do anything about it.

As I begin a new chapter - moving into a new place and becoming a homeowner - I feel incredibly motivated to purge and simplify. It sounds so easy in my head. I read an article with all these tips and I think, 'Yes, I can so do this!' Then I get home. And I start sorting through things. And I find myself saying 'But the bunnies might want to play with this toy someday (even though they barely played with it two years ago).' Or 'Even though this is waaaayy too big, I can just put a belt on it and it becomes less hideous.'

Why do I struggle so much? I never thought of myself as a hoarder, but now that I am really sitting down and trying to simplify my life, I feel so incredibly attached to the smallest, insignificant things.

I don't want to move into a new place with a bunch of crap that I don't use or things I am holding onto for some magical day when the timing is right and all of a sudden I need this one item that for years has just been collecting dust.

It's far too easy to talk yourself into keeping something.

So, with the help of multiple online resources, I continue in the struggle to let go of the material and to make room for the moments, the stories that are connected to those random objects.

Helpful Sources
12 Ways to Unclutter
14 tips for a less materialistic lifestyle
Escape Materialism and Find Happiness

Long overdue update

It has been a hot second since I updated this blog. In fact, I forgot it existed until today and did not recall the numerous posts I had written before.

So many big, exciting things have happened since my last post. In August 2011, I got my first post-college job at a small consulting company in NOVA. I was hired as a Junior Technical Writer, but ended up doing so much more. I had the opportunity to really step up and take on responsibilities beyond writing user guides or release notes.

I went on my first business trip (Battle Creek MI) to  conduct a training course on the application I was working on.  I flew by myself, got a rental car and drove the two hours to the training location, and stayed in a hotel on my own. Everything went better than I thought it would and I survived the weekend without much anxiety. It was an incredible experience, one that allowed me to prove myself to my team and my company.

After 16 months at this company, I decided to explore other options. In December 2012, I found myself at another small consulting company, this time closer to home. I am in a Junior Business Analyst / QA role and I absolutely love it. I learn something new on a daily basis and am constantly challenged by the work.

In September, I finally moved out on my own. Don't get me wrong - living with Mom and Dad was great. Having free, home cooked meals was great. Having built in bunny babysitters was great. Wait...why did I leave again? Oh, right - that whole independence thing. I love my new place and it is conveniently located. Only 15 minutes away from my parents!

My plan is start updating this more and maybe post about things that will interest people. I'm going to change the focus of this blog, as things have shifted and the old title no longer applies. I'll mostly post about books I'm reading, TV shows I'm watching, and all those small moments that make me smile.

And it goes on...

Several weeks later and I am still without a job. I have to admit that this search is turning out to be a lot more difficult than I thought it would be.

Everyone has advice for me. Every single person I talk to. At this point it is starting to get annoying. Yes, I know that it is normal to be living with my parents. But hearing that from every other person does not make me feel less pathetic about the situation. Yes, it takes a long time to get a job in this market--at this point I am well aware of that. I don't need to be reminded on a daily basis. I know that everyone cares and that's why they say this kind of stuff...it's just wearing me down at this point.

I can't even count on two hands the amount of jobs I have applied for since I've been home. I know it's been more than 10. Of course I'll keep trying. I look every couple of days just in case a new opportunity has popped up on USAJobs, DICE or Monster.

I can't help but feel that this particular journey is just beginning. I'm not sure I like that.